General Policies

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Student Rights
To make learning as easy as possible, the University of Psychogenic Fugue tries its hardest to guarantee the following inalienable rights to all students. Note: Minority students and students from low-income families frequently complain of various discriminatory policies that restrict them from living up to their full potential; the University does not recognize these students. The following is a list of rights enjoyed by our student population:

  1. Students who are very good looking will only receive minimal special treatment.
  2. Participation in activities outside campus grounds (of a scholarly, intellectual, criminal, religious or philosophical nature, or any combination except scholarly-criminal) will not affect how the University treats you. Note: This is not to say we treat everyone equally.
  3. Students may form a self-regulating student governance with no official power.
  4. Upon approval, choice of campus speakers. Note: Any performer, artist, band, or lecturer deemed vulgar, idealistic, or radical by the sensibilities of an average middle-aged lady named Doris will be prohibited.
  5. Students have the right to pay the University as much as they can afford to plus more. Note: In this case, pay is not limited merely to the fiduciary.
  6. Students may petition for procedural changes as long as they go through proper University administrative channels. Under no circumstances will Berkeley-like Hippy rallies and anti-war protests be tolerated. This isn't the liberal '60s. However, students may elect to hold sleep-ins inside their respective dormitories.
  7. Students have the right to due process in grievance and disciplinary matters. If a student has graduated, transferred, been expelled, or has dropped out before his or her case has been heard in the Halls of Justice, he or she must immediately return to campus and stand trial.
  8. Students have the right to worship any deity, god(ess), invisible force, or philosophical construct, as long as it does not disrupt daily campus operations. Pilgrimages to the Failing Wall at the north end of The Romper Room are no longer allowed, as they interfere with naptime.

--> UPF matchbooks are perfect for lighting your smokin' material with; they used to FREE with any online order! But now we can't send them thru the mail.

Smoke-Free Building Policy
In accordance with the rise of restricted freedoms, every University facility is smoke-free. However, for the convenience of smokers, a few buildings are equipped with a plexiglass smoker's lounge. These poorly ventilated rooms, much like the ones in the St. Louis airport, are a virtual chimney of smoker's delights. As an added bonus, the plexiglass walls allow non-smoking passersby to sneer at you with disgust.

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Drug-Free Campus Policy
To recognize the fact that most students either partake in recreational drug use or otherwise enhance their personalities using prescription drugs (or both), the Drug-Free Campus Policy has been cancelled. However, this is not to say the University encourages drug abuse, rather, we're just facing facts.

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