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Admissions
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Pop Culture Proficiency Test
Students who wish to study at the University
of Psychogenic Fugue, but have not lived in the United States
of America for the past twelve (12) months, are required to take
the Pop Culture Proficiency Test (PCPT).
The PCPT is a grueling seven-hour testing bonanza. Think of it as the ACT and SAT conceiving a child while doing crystal meth. Among other things, students will be asked to match headshots of famous celebrities to their most popular TV roles. The PCPT also requires students to identify name-brand products from a huge list of catchy jingles. Extra credit is given to students who can not only identify the product, but also correctly price it within 10% of its actual retail value without going over.
Be advised that notebook computers, calculators, abacuses, and testing coaches are forbidden inside the testing facility. Desktop models of Stonehenge will also be confiscated. There will be one five-minute break to give students the chance to pee or smoke as much as possible in 300 seconds.
To prepare for the test, students should watch lots and lots of TV.
Students who fail are deemed deficient in their understanding of popular culture and are required to enroll in either CM 101 or CM 102. This is not some sort of cruel punishment. Rather, the University merely wants you to truly understand what the hell's going on during class.
Non-resident students who can prove they bought an expensive novelty item manufactured in the U.S. while living in their native foreign country may be exempted from taking the PCPT.
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University ID Card
During the first week of each semester, all new transfer students
and entering freshmores must stop by the Office of Campus Security
to be issued an official University ID Card.
For your protection, you will be fingerprinted and asked to pose for a few photos holding your University ID number. After the photo session, you'll be allowed to review the proofs and select your favorite, either the profile shot or straight-on shot, to use as your official ID photo.
Your ID card is a combination identification card, meal card, and library card. It may also be used as a credit card in the University Megastore and as a Player's Club card in the High NRG Virtual Fun Palace. Your ID also serves as an international calling card and is good for select discounts at a number of local merchants.
Your University ID Card is very important because it proves beyond a reasonable doubt that you exist. While awake, it should be kept on your person at all times. While sleeping, it should be kept within arm's reach. Failure to do so may result in immediate expulsion from the University. Remember, under no circumstances should you allow a stranger to borrow your University ID. You, and you alone, be will be held responsible for all charges incurred on your monthly bill.